We don't do enough living sometimes. I'm only saying that because of what I've been able to do this last week, but honestly, I think we forget somedays what it is truly all about.
The shoot wrapped yesterday, but not after it demanded everything we had. It's easy to feel like a soloist when you write, or the conductor when you direct, never really a part of the collective. But throughout shooting this movie, I felt like the a leader and a stupidmotherfucker, cutting loose and just completely making the best film I could.
We started filming on Sunday March 7th, took a break on Thursday, then finished up on Friday March 12th - five days of filming. Unbelievable. When we wrapped, my legs just about gave way. It had taken everything I had some days, but given back so very much. Any great experience in this life is a shared one, and the guys I've been with this past week have quickly melted into becoming my family, my NY unit - love those guys and everything they did for me and my crazy ideas.
We shot the most amazing scene yesterday too - one I'll be reticent to explain too much, just hope that you'll dig it like I did when it comes to screen. The Chinese food moment in the screenplay was written as a dynamic exercise in relationship studies. I wrote it fast (just one draft) and with my guys in mind. Fortunately, they delivered something so real, so fun and heavy, that it just couldn't have been set up any better. The filming has been dotted by such moments - points at which you just know you brought it. Little times when you just know you're living.
I barely ate yesterday - part because I forgot, and part because I was too broke. The money has run out fast, but it doesn't matter. I always knew I'd go all the way for what I believed in again, and today, that happened. When my shit hit the fan all that time ago, I was too determined to give up, and I focussed hard to drag my ass out of the mud. Being there with Tom, a guy who I'd roughed it all over with, it just felt like some kind of poetry. I've also never seen him commit so much to a film. Never seen him care so much for every aspect of a project. He's also been my confidante, my tag partner and my lifesaver. Some friends are do more than you could ever expect or hope for, those are the ones you keep close.
Gillian has been a really special friend on this trip too. Just a funny, smart and talented actor and musician, who gave us a floor space as well as a knock-out performance. There have been moments I'll never be able to recreate, from scaring her out of her skin in a packed diner, to watching her and her band perform at Bar 4, to her and Tom fucken about on the Subway, to heavyweight conversations about everything and nothing, it's been great.
Luis had me agog with his brutal talent - wandering through each moment like a bear with issues, he has a gravity that can attract planets. Maybe it's no coincidence he does a great Marlon Brando impression, and when he headed the table in the Chinese food scene, I was suddenly watching King Lear channeled through a Scorcese dinner scene. Fucken incredible.
I'll get home in a few days, my axis shifted. The time I went to New York and shot a movie inside a week will become another little marker on my list of achievements. I'll try to not let shit bother me (though I know it inevitably always will), and I'll try to keep pushing, making more films and just loving the good people I have in my little world.
To (mis)quote Empire State of Mind, this really is the concrete jungle where dreams are made of. I rebooted. Tonight, the wrap celebrations. Let's get to it.